I’m not living my best life.

Just wanted to let you know.

s-t-a-r-b-u-r-s-t:

just-marcus:

Avril Lavigne

real talk

yoyoyopt:

I own the first issue of this series. I should read it sometime.

I received a second strike on my YouTube channel while live streaming.

This one is actually upsetting. I was streaming on YouTube on the night of 12/18/22 (which was a good day, as it was my mom’s birthday, as well as my good friend Jom. Also, it was creeping into midnight, so I might be wrong on the exact date, but who cares). I started the night with Dark and Darker with some friends, moved on to Dead by Daylight, and proceeded to end the night with Elden Ring. Germbubble, a chatter and good friend of mine, always posts stuff in chat for me to react to. This time, he sent me a recent OJ Simpson interview. I had the video in the corner while I played Elden Ring, which was taking up the majority of my screen.

I received a flurry of emails pertaining to my YouTube channel, insinuating YouTube is looking right at me within this very short amount of time, including reviewing an appeal (spoiler alert). The first email [from the bottom] is informing me that my stream from earlier in the week was copyright claimed. This is not a strike, but rather YouTube blocking some (or all) of my stream. Very easy action that doesn’t harm my channel in anyway. The second email is informing me of the same thing on a different live stream, I believe the one from the morning of 12/18/22 (yes, I stream often and need to touch grass).

The third email is where it gets interesting.

Here, they inform me that my stream is interrupted. This has happened to me before, when I watched a clip of a movie a different chatter, omegabuttwish, sent me, although this first time, it did not result in a strike (spoiler alert). When I stopped watching the clip, my stream went back to normal, albeit some minutes later (the first time, I mean). This time, when I stopped watching the clip after this email, my stream was only returned to normal… briefly.

So, I ’m not exactly sure if I’m interpreting this correctly, but did I get a strike because I had OJ on my screen, and I didn’t remove it as soon as I saw this email? Because for a very good amount of time, my stream titled “Elden Ring” was about Elden Ring. This just seems absurdly unfair to me, but I am just but a punished normie.
So, I ’m not exactly sure if I’m interpreting this correctly, but did I get a strike because I had OJ on my screen, and I didn’t remove it as soon as I saw this email? Because for a very good amount of time, my stream titled “Elden Ring” was about Elden Ring. This just seems absurdly unfair to me, but I am just but a punished normie.

The last email shows that they reviewed my appeal in less than an hour after my strike, and determined that I did, in fact, violate their policy. I guess I should just take this for what it is and do my best going forward. I feel like it’s all just so vague and I can’t tell when what I’m doing will result in a strike, since sometimes my loose behavior is allowed, and sometimes it’s not.

What I think I will do going forward is be very safe. I will record and edit videos in the meantime that will not be uploaded until my first strike disappears on January 24th. From that point on, I will only upload until my second strike disappears on March 19th. I suppose it’s possible I stream on YouTube before that date, but if so, it’ll be very specific streams with a very specific goal in mind, to ensure I do not get in trouble for some dumb bullshit. I can always just stream on twitter until then, which is kinda weird, but I guess I’ll do it.

I’m honestly just upset and discouraged. I can’t tell if I just have a dedicated hater, or if I’m an absolute idiot to streaming. Maybe a break is exactly what I need so I can finally focus on my physical and mental health. I want to read more books, write more music, and be more productive with my time. I don’t want to stream twice a day anymore to a small audience. My videos get better views anyway. Streaming should be fun, and unless I have a dedicated audience, which I don’t anymore, it’s not as fun as it used to be. Gaming with friends is fun, and making an audience laugh is fun. If I can build up a new audience, then I would be happy to give them awesome content. For now, I will take it easy and see if I can’t make better friends and healthier connections.

Follow me on twitter.com/oozePOPtv for pointless blurbs and possible future streaming.

gonna smoke weed about it

I received an indefinite suspension on twitch because of this bit I do where I point a knife at the camera. It’s for fun, for my friends, but if twitch doesn’t like it, I guess they don’t like it. I was not intending to actually threaten anybody, I just think pointing a knife at a camera is really funny. Oh, well. Time to start streaming on YouTube again.

Also, I never use tumblr apart from searching up things I like for new profile picture ideas. Anyway, as I was deleting old tweets from some of the accounts I got back, I realized I was (and really, still am) kind of toxic. Like… really toxic. Anyway, I’m sort of inspired to use this account again just to vent random bullshit.

The main thing on my mind lately is the fact that I keep getting banned from subreddits, and how this is a continued cycle of how I always get banned from everything. At some point, I sort of have to realize I’m the problem, don’t I? I have to stop being arrogant and realize I am not always right.

I recently got banned from r/BlackCountryNewRoad. It happened because I encountered a post of a creepy user who was trying to use the subreddit to trace down an actress from a Jockstrap music video. That person was responded with most people calling him creepy, so I felt justified to join in the dogpile and say that I hope OP was young because no grown adult should be behaving this way. I messaged this person, screenshotted their creepy defenses of their behavior, and posted it to the subreddit, saying something along the lines of “That creepy thirsty guy from earlier is trying to justify his behavior”.

That post got upvotes. However, a comment saying “Yeah, I don’t care about this drama” got more upvotes. I did bicker in the comments. I was permanently banned from the subreddit, and I messaged the mods asking why. They told me it was because I was hurling insults. I was angry, and I told them that by banning me and not others, they are allowing continued harassment against me, as I kept getting mentioned and replied to and couldn’t do anything about it. Their response was to ban me from messaging mods for a month I think.

Naturally, I was quite upset at this. I am a very vengeful and spiteful person, and I was so upset these mods decided I wasn’t worth their time. For some reason, after some time passed, perhaps days or even a week, I thought it would be a brilliant idea to bring this topic up in the black midi discord server. It went well… for a moment. Then people started calling me names and when I defended myself, I was timed out. Since then, nobody except one user I have recently found a recent acquaintanceship with has paid me too much attention. I’m reserved to just lurking now.

I wanted to male a video about how the 13-21 year olds in this server are cringe and unjustified, but even if that were true, what good would that do me? I have gotten so many people to convince me out of making any video, but my mind keeps gravitating towards continuing drama. I should be grateful I didn’t get banned from the black midi server.

One thing I forgot to mention earlier is I brought the reddit drama to the BCNR discord server too, and as as soon as somebody asked me what happened and I began typing, I was banned. As I type this out, I truly feel I deserve it, and that antagonistic and narcissistic side of me wants to somehow ask the entire community who has already decided I am not worth their time “Okay, I fucked up ONCE, but is that all it takes to cast me out forever? I love this band, I like the community, and I just want to be a part of the club! Am I really more evil than the dude being a creep?” According to r/BlackCountryNewRoad and their discord server, the answer is either yes, or they just didn’t want to deal with my drama. Either way, I know it’s my fault, and that I shouldn’t conduct myself in this manner.

I’m not looking for sympathy from this post. This is just a journal post I’ve decided to post publicly. Just out of catharsis, you know.